She's comin out....

Dear Bowl-of-Rice,
I have been with my partner for 6 years and though my core family
knows accepts and loves my partner my external family has their
suspicions but no confirmation of me being a lesbian and with my
partner. My mom requested I keep this from my grandmother and
external family and has just recently stated she is OK with me coming
out. I have decided to do it!! I am visiting my grandmother in a few
months and was wondering if you had any advise as to how I should go
about in starting the conversation. Should my mother be there?
Should it be in public, private? How should I start the conversation?
A note about my grandmother... She is from WV my family is
traditionally very conservative and VERY VERY black and white, what is
wrong is wrong and being gay is one of those things thats is wrong.

Dear Comin' Out...
Its very hard to give people information that they don't want to hear, no matter what the issue is. We all form our ideals and concepts of what life is supposed to look like for ourselves and our loved ones from our upbringing, religion, and culture. People who are notoriously traditional and conservative are the way they are because they truly believe it is the right way to live. Actually, pretty much everyone is this way: we all do what we believe to be right at all times.

I have a lot of problems personally with many of my more conservative friends; I have many wonderful friendships with Gay and Lesbian people, and I feel a consistent need to protect and defend them, because I love them. From my belief standpoint as a Christian, I do not believe it is my job to judge them, only to love them. And while your grandmother may not feel this way, please remind yourself that she has no religious right to judge you either.

I think that a one on one conversation with your grandmother in as neutral a territory as possible would be the best choice. Have your mother nearby for support if needed, but you don't want to make your grandmother feel ganged up on. You want her to see you for who you always have been and always will be: her lovely granddaughter whom she loves. Unconditionally.

Sincerely,
Bowl-of-Rice

ps. An alternative is to do a dramatic coming out like one of my gay friends did with his dad: He jumped out of the closet of his dad's bedroom one evening and yelled "GUESS WHAT?!!"