Turnabout IS fair play, but.......

Dear BOR,
I am having a situation with, for lack of a better term that is socially acceptable, a dumb ass BOY. He seems to have a knack for ignoring my requests to leave me alone. Insisting that I want him and should give him anything he wants when he wants it (nudge nudge wink wink) ya...that.

I have gone as far as telling him I am engaged to be married and that he disgusts me. But, it never fails that he will pop up in my e-mail or on my IM with some silly question about my status or my photo to weasel his way into a hostile converation that includes sexual innuendo on his part. I have deleted him from everything and have even deleted myself, but he's a hacker stalker...he finds me everywhere.
HELP!!! I know he's not in the country at this time, but he will return and continue the relentless smarminess. What does a girl have to do???

Smarm Hater

Dear Smarm Hater,

I have a little experience with this situation. I'm almost surprised that I live to tell the tail of the infamous "four fingered man" who stalked me for quite some time after some under the influence affections we shared one evening. I could not shake that appendage missing Deuce Bigalow lookalike for what felt like ages. I ignored phone calls and even a very creepy love letter he brought to my place of employment. Eventually either he stopped, or I moved away, I'm not sure which came first. But, my sister and I are still curious if he was involved in a small fire in our apartment that occurred around that time.

I would love to tell you that turnabout is fair play: stalk HIM! Call him constantly. Call him at home and work incessantly! Act like you have finally fallen in love with him and want him to father several children of yours and you want marriage immediately! Smother him until he remembers he is a GUY and doesn't like this kind of attention and runs for the hills!

However: THERE ARE PSYCHOS IN THIS WORLD! And you have you and your loved ones to consider. Block every way he contacts you, alert the authorities and follow their advice in handling him. If you tell him not to contact him anymore and he does, that is considered harassment and a job for the feds. Don't take any chances!

Sincerely,
Bowl-of-Rice